Dating in 2019

Dating in 2019 is probably one of the most confusing and out of place experiences for me. Growing up, dating meant something entirely different. You met someone, they piqued your interest, found common interests and mutually decided to date each other.

This can mean casually dating, where both are open to dating multiple people while dating each other or exclusively dating, when both agree to date each other only. From my experience, I don’t immediately jump into exclusivity, but some people do, and it can work for them.

If I decide to date multiple people, I’m very transparent. You have to give people the option to decide whether that’s something they want to continue pursuing or not – same goes if you become intimately involved with the people you’re dating.

Dating exclusively means that you’ve decided to see each other only. This does NOT mean that you are in a relationship, however you can potentially get there. 

Does anyone date like this anymore?!

DATING APPS

Millennials are all about technology, especially when it comes to dating! There’s Tinder (which I’ve personally had some crazy experiences with), Grindr, Instagram, Coffee Meets Bagel, HER. There are unlimited amounts of apps we can use to meet people.

I’ve personally dabbled on about two dating sites – got banned from one, don’t ask why – I don’t know (My ex probably banned me LOL)! But seriously, my experiences meeting women online have all turned out to be crazy! I think I’m more of a traditional woman in that sense and enjoy meeting people in person rather than online. However, I’ve heard it works for many.

Dating apps like Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel open up opportunities for introverts who are less likely to approach someone they meet in person. 

One reason why it fails is because people aren’t consistent. Mainly because of the availability of so many other options, they don’t work out their problems and decide to ghost people. It can also create a whole plethora of issues because people can become extremely superficial. The whole idea of swiping left and right and not reading people’s profiles, and basing it all on a photo is kind of fucked up. 

SITUATIONSHIPS – CAN IT WORK?

Situationships are non-committal relationships or relationships that haven’t been defined. I believe situationships can work one or two ways. One works fairly well when two adults are able to effectively communicate their needs AND their situations are the same.

Examples can be both parties aren’t looking for anything serious but enjoy spending time with each other or two people are in the same city alone and decide to enjoy it together.

The reasons why situationships never work for long is for the simple fact that situations change – these forms of relationships are NOT meant to be prolonged.

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP – WHO’S CATCHING FEELINGS FIRST?

Sexual relationships a.k.a fuck buddies/friends with benefits are parallel to situationships. The one difference is that they all are meant to be only sexual. The problem with this is that certain times, lines blur. For instance, I’m bored one day and decide to go out and invite the person I’m sleeping with.

Meanwhile, we’re just fuck buddies and we shouldn’t be doing that. Although we know we should stay in those confines, sometimes it can be okay if it happens on an occasional basis. But when it’s occurring often, you’re having sleepovers, and inviting them to do things with you that you’re supposed to do with your boyfriend/girlfriend, or someone you’re exclusively dating, you are misleading them.

Now you have someone who has caught feelings and wants to see if they can be more (given that they even tell you at all). As a result, the other person becomes distant and eventually goes ghost. Nobody wants to take the time and date anymore – everyone leads people on, catch feelings, fuck, and when it’s no long suiting them they disappear. 

On a similar note, amazing sex will have you blinded and ignoring the red flags at least once in your life. Be cautious – and I am speaking from experience. There was one time in my life where I was blindsided by the amazing sex and got in a relationship with a person who was terrible for me, when all I really wanted was the sex! Be careful with these relationships ladies!

Sexual frustration and really good sex will fuck with your feelings and have you seeing potential where there is none!

DATING WITHOUT INTENTION

Now this would have to be one of my biggest pet peeves – people who date without intention. I understand we all naturally crave love and affection. My issue lies with those who know they’re not in an emotional or mental place where they can invest the needed energy and time into a relationship, but do so anyway. You know what I call those? Fuckboys.

Just because you’re interested in pursuing someone doesn’t mean that you should. I’ve seen so many situationships mask themselves to be real relationships and it’s the most frustrating thing.

People tend to jump from one situationship to another when the real work begins, and a lot of women settle for that until they, themselves lack the emotional capacity to be with a person.

Now we’re in a time where we’re in situationships with people who have deep traumas, insecurities, and suppressed emotions.  

DATE YOURSELF

This is all to say, whatever you’re involved in, make sure it’s intentional.

For any type of relationship to work, we ourselves have to be transparent, confident, and uncompromising when asking for what we want. Also, we are so much more than relationships.

Experience the joys of taking yourself on dates, moving into your own place, getting your first dog, buying your first car, traveling around the world, and establishing your place in this world. These moments allow us to grow and give us clarity of who we are as individuals.